Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
