Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
