I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
