if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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