I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she peed on how many people?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
