My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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