As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
