K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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