I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
