Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
