he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
