Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
