I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
