I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
