where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
