So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
