I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
