like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can you bring me the toilet please
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
