So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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