tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
