Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
