Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
