I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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