I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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