I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
