Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm always down for nudity.
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