i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
