the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
