You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
