Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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