margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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