she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
try to milk me bitch
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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