u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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