it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
