I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
