so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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