Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
