So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
