Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
