Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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