So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is wine microwaveable?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
