Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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