I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I understand Curling. That high.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
