I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
