When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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