is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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