Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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