My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
