What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
