My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A+ Viking dick
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
