I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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