yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
