i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
