somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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