I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the condom got lost in my hair
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
