a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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