Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
