So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
did i walk over a car last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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