wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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