fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
