I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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