The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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