How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
