i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
