Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
