its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
