dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
