I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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