Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
