I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
