i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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