Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
